Hardback edition, click for larger picture.

FREEZER BURN

CHARACTERS

Bill Roberts-Loser living with his dead mother but money has run out and he hasnít been able to forge her signature well enough on her Social Security checks.

Chaplin-Accomplice of Billís who can hot wire a car and later gets killed in a car wreck and a Roman candle goes in his eye.

Fat Boy-Another accomplice who is a great driver but gets killed by multiple water moccasin bites. He worries most about the bites on his balls.

John Frost aka Jack-Owner of the freak show. He was one of Siamese triplets. The others were removed except for the hand of one that comes out of his chest near his heart.

Gidget-His wife. She is a very good looking woman who has an outie with a ring in it.

Conrad aka Rex the Wonder Dog-Dog faced freak who becomes Billís friend.

Elvis and Thomas aka Double Buckwheat-Two headed Siamese twins who fight with each other because each thinks he is lighter than the other.

Phil-Ex con who runs the Whirligig or Tilt-a-Whirl. He claims to have a half erect penis all the time.

Synora aka U S Grant-Bearded lady who is Conradís girlfriend.

Skinny, Pete the pinhead, Spike the midget, Bim the pumpkinhead-Members of the freak show.

Celeste-One of the pickled punks in the show.

Barber Pole-Caustic customer who picks on Conrad.

Facts

The three guys worked together once before on a filling station hold up.

The fireworks stand was across the street from Billís house.

Billís mother died after watching wrestling and eating a lot of gummy bears.

Bill killed her cats after she died.

Towns mentioned are Wellington Mills, Gladewater, Corrigan, Mineola, Beaumont, El Paso, and dear old Nacogdoches.

The freak show had several attractions, midgets, meat heads, pinheads, pickled punks, and the main attraction was the Ice Man. Frost told a story that the Ice Man was Jesus.

Gidget tells Bill he looks like James Dean and he thinks she means the sausage guy.

Gidget is a good forger. She says the best way is to turn the signature upside down and draw it.

Bill has a wreck on a historical marker that shows the site of an unsuccessful cannonball factory.

Gidget makes Frost wear a glove on the hand on his chest when they make love.

They lose the Tilt-a-Whirl in a tornado in Corrigan.

Frost had a savings account in Enid, Oklahoma.

Gidget cashes the insurance checks in Tyler, Texas and Billís momís Social Security checks in Beaumont.

In Nacogdoches, she has the Ice Man cut up and his sawdust scattered outside El Paso.

The Ice Man was carved by an artist in Cisco, Arkansas.

Quotes

I was willing to fuck myself to the top or even to the middle.

(Had) an Adamís apple that made him look like a snake trying to swallow a live gopher.

Tight as mad baby fists.

The hood flapped up and down like a gossipís tongue.

Sweating so badly his face felt as if it had been buttered.

It seemed as if his skin was a sack of light bulbs someone had stepped on.

(He was) so hungry he thought if he could bend over far enough heíd gnaw his balls off.

(The) late evening sun hanging low in the sky like a cracked fertile egg.

(The) last of the sunlight hanging between the trees as if a giant with a hemorrhoid was mooning him.

Man is meant to help man get along in life.

Creepy as a masturbating fat girl on a nude beach.

Socked with the mallet of stupidity.

Kicked in the balls by fate.

The DNA crap always hangs you unless you were a famous football player.

Lonely as the last pig in a slaughterhouse line.

Plot

A local loser sets out on a plan to rob a fireworks stand. The plan goes awry and he ends up working for a traveling freak show. Then more odd things happen including murder.

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